Loneliness and Quarantine

I think we all miss somebody, be it friend or family.

I know personally that I miss my friends in particular. All of this brings me back to that time between high school and university when I just felt extremely lonely (I wrote a past post about that so feel free to check that out). I don’t feel lonely on nearly the same scale as I did then but yesterday it all started to hit me. I just wanted to discuss this today.

I think that I miss the small things like getting iced coffee with my friends or hanging out with them in our respective dorm rooms. I suppose that some of the loneliness comes from a lack of normalcy in life, a change in routine and custom. I have been trying to think of ways to combat this feeling and I have come up with a few solutions. The first thing may seem obvious but video call your friends, I mean actually video call them. It’s the next best thing to actually seeing them in person. Playing some of the songs that you guys commonly enjoy and that remind you of nights out or times spent hanging out could help to establish the mindset that you are still enjoying those activities and could help to bring back memories of better times. Lastly, I would recommend creating a new routine and sticking to it. This will bring back a sense of normalcy and routine to your everyday life and may help you cope with the effects of quarantine.

These have been a couple of my tips to combat loneliness during quarantine. I have a bunch of other tips so be sure to comment if you’d like me to write a sequel to this post!

Good luck.

-Birdie

Electricity

The electricity went out today. The worst part is that I think it taught me something .

Our electricity went out because someone was trying to steal our cable. Typical. I joke but it was seriously frustrating. I had work to do online and I was unable to do it. Thankfully none of that work was due the next day but it was stressful nonetheless. I therefore did whatever work I could without internet and planned to do whatever was left the next day. Today was interesting in the sense that I was forced to entertain myself with things that could be done without electricity. I made a salad for lunch because our oven and stove are useless without electricity. I also went outside to pick flowers for my mother because not only was there no electricity but it was Mother’s Day. It proved to be a nice activity because it meant that I could just fuck around outside for a while and I found that quite therapeutic.

I am also typing this entire blog post on my phone. My computer died and so here I am. I look like I’m avidly texting people but really, I’m not that social. I also painted over the unsightly logo of a notebook with some Sakura flowers. I haven’t had a lot of time to paint this past week and so it was a welcome change of pace. I really just had a lot of time today to do the things that I normally wouldn’t have had time for during the work week. Today was a lazy sort of day but I don’t feel unproductive. I actually spoilt myself today and got a lot of self-care activities done. Productivity is relative and I consider self-care to be an extremely productive process.

Take care of yourselves.

–Birdie

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So Little To Do, So Much Time

I have found that I have way too few deadlines in order to take up this much time.

I know I sound crazy, wishing that my university work was fuller and that I had less time. I can’t help it that I am just trying to curve boredom during these long days. I have decided to review and make notes on old work in order to keep myself busy. It is so weird, weeing people on the opposite end of the spectrum who feel as though too much work is being doled out. I just can’t relate to them at all. I thought that this feeling would only last the weekend but now that the work week has begun, I just can’t shake the feeling of impending boredom.

I wonder though if boredom is so bad. I find myself so much in fear of boredom that I never allow myself to experience it. Boredom is not the end of the world so why do I feel this way? I guess that for me, I feel this way because being bored might mean being unproductive. A lack of productivity is a fear of mine and one that I wish to avoid at all costs. This is just another example of the toxicity of productivity culture. The worst part being that I contribute to that same productivity culture through the encouragement of productivity in my various studying-related posts. My fear of boredom stems from a fear of not being productive, that much is apparent.

So what can I do to counter-act this? I think that allowing myself to be bored will help me to better accept it and to change my mindset about productivity. Productivity shouldn’t always be reliant on work-related activities to exist. I think it’s high time that myself and everybody else comes to a realisation about this.

Have a good one.

-Birdie

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My Study Space

My study space is the one thing keeping me sane during this crazy time.

My study space is the one place where I get to be alone. It lies in a room just outside the main home area. I have two aesthetically-pleasing watercolour paintings up against the wall in front of my desk to inspire me. I reckon that they do a pretty good job at that. The wall in front of my desk is full of pink and purple sticky notes carrying information from my readings and my Macbeth notes so that I have them right in front of me when attending class and writing tests. I have my space case and highlighters on one side of my desk and my water bottle, peach-shaped squishy and weekly planner on the other side. My desk is parallel to a window so at around 2 PM, the sun likes to shine on my desk, creating a warm environment. I keep a blanket on the chair of my desk and I always have my K-pop or Lo-Fi Hip-Hop playing.

Overall, this is a good place to study. It’s all very aesthetically-pleasing and I have really made the space my own. Of course it’s not as great as my usual space because I spent a year cultivating that space but for the time being, this space isn’t too bad. There’s just something about the sun filtering through onto my work that just puts me in a good mood. I just wanted to share what my study space was like in the hopes that it sparks the imagination of others. I love hearing about the study spaces of others so why not share my own? This is a good place to study and get down to work. It is the only place where I can be myself.

Enjoy your day!

-Birdie

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Lockdown Birthdays

A couple of weeks ago it was my sister’s birthday, tomorrow is my mum’s birthday.

I’ve been preparing for my mum’s birthday for a week now and while doing this and preparing previously for my sister’s lockdown birthday, I have observed a few things. The sad but funny part about this whole thing is that there are only three stores to choose from in terms of birthday shopping. And all three of those are grocery stores. You are rather limited in terms of what you can get someone. In this scenario, the term “It’s the thought that counts” becomes extremely important because the problem is that it’s hard to show individuality and heart when the only things you can get are a chocolate and some shower gel. There is no solution to this except for the hope that the receiver of these gifts are understanding of the compassion and appreciation you’re trying to convey through them.

This makes me think, however, that all gifts should be received with that mindset. To only appreciate a gift through the gift itself seems materialistic and ungrateful. It’s time we all revert back to our childhood selves who were told to be grateful for any gift you receive regardless of whether you like it or not (assuming you were told that as a child). I have been practicing this for years so I can only hope that this lockdown has urged others to do the same.

Another funny but sad scenario is that there are only so many activities that you can do indoors for someone’s birthday. I try to combat boredom on birthdays through watching movies and doing birthday-related crafts with the person of which the birthday belongs to. My only regret is that I can’t take them to a nice restaurant or to the theatre. The is a reality, however, and I hope that by making the birthday in question as special as possible while staying at home, they will appreciate it and still enjoy their day. All I can do is try.

May quarantine look upon you kindly.

-Birdie

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Keeping Up with Uni Work

Online learning is a moment.

I realised today that I had totally miscalculated and so missed 1 hour of a 2 hour class. It’s not the end of the world as it was an introductory class but I think that it serves as an example of how confusing all of this online work can be. If this kind of thing were to happen in a test setting I would honestly die (emotionally). I’ve made triple sure of not missing anything by writing down all of my test and assignment dates on my mum’s calendar. Let’s bring her down with me why don’t we? Just kidding but for real, it’s good to have an extra layer of protection against the possibility of accidentally missing something.

The worst thing about this whole confusing scenario is that it’s no one’s fault. There’s no one to blame. Lecturers are doing the best with what’s available to them and the university heads must be so overworked at this point. I can’t even blame myself because I am doing all that I can to be organised. I have THREE different journals for Pete’s sake! The lack of anyone to blame for this confusion just makes the situation even more frustrating.

Online learning has the perk, however, of being able to be worked from at one’s own pace. Except for obvious deadlines, I can centre my lecture schedule around any time of the day that I want for the most part. Narrated slideshows are often uploaded the day before a lecture so I’m free to do them in the morning rather than the afternoon if I so wish. The only immovable aspect of online learning are the online discussions and live classes. This kind of perk is something to consider when analysing the pros and cons of online classes. Maybe online classes won’t be so bad after all…

Keep learning!

-Birdie

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First Day of Online University

I’ve only had two classes today but somehow I am beyond exhausted. I have no idea how or why but I just am.

Today has been really great in the sense that I had an official goal for today, like set classes and work that I had to do. I really missed that, as crazy as that sounds. I guess that I’m exhausted because while I only had two classes, I had a bunch of work that I had to do relating to those classes and other classes. It was such a good day for productivity, I am SO stoked.

It was really weird to take part in classes online. It more about discussion forums rather than zoom meetings, we don’t do those thank the gods. Let’s be real about online uni though, it’s kind of super stressful. I mean there’s no one there to keep you on track and you’ve got to stay super up to date in order not to miss anything important. Not to mention that I’ve got to do this for 5 classes, not just one. The whole process is just insane and hard to keep track of. Hopefully though, this only lasts for a couple more months. Wait. That’s not a good thing.

Be that as it may I am grateful that I can get any schooling done at all. Like, I actually have the resources to learn online? That’s like the definition of privilege. I think as much as I’d like to complain about online learning in terms of data costs and keeping on top of things, a little perspective goes a long way. I feel as if I keep having to remind myself of that but its a good exercise. Here’s to hoping that coronageddon does not last too long.

Good luck, y’all.

-Birdie

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Staying At Home

Even though Phase 4 of lockdown is barely any different from Phase 5, people still feel the need to invite their friends over. I’m seeing this all over my Instagram feed and I just can’t believe how dumb some people are. At this rate we’re gonna be put right back into Phase 5 lockdown. As one of my best friends said, nobody likes this, we aren’t staying at home because it’s fun. We are doing this so people don’t get sick and die. I really don’t know how to deal with people anymore. This is why the aliens don’t want us.

Aside from the idiots of the world, I have found staying at home to be an interesting experience. It feels like I am living in a fishbowl. There’s like a veil separating me from the rest of the world yet I am constantly feeling watched. Privacy isn’t something that I have experienced much of during lockdown, staying with family can do that to a person. I also feel though that whenever I go to the store I am scrutinised and judged based off of what I buy. I literally went to buy medicine today and I felt this way. I honestly doubt that anyone gives a shit about what I’m doing but for some reason I just feel observed.

Staying at home really separates you from the outside world. I look out of the window and it’s crazy to me that there’s a whole world out there. I’m just so consumed by and focused on my own little world indoors that I can’t even comprehend what lies beyond my window. It’s a weird feeling. Reflecting on life indoors is an interesting activity to say the least. Life in lockdown has been crazy, I think we can all agree on that.

Stay safe, y’all!

-Birdie

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Online Learning

Since I don’t have actual uni to look forward to, I have to settle for online uni.

I for one, am nervous for online uni to begin. I guess my fear stems from the potential for missing out on certain tests or tasks that would cost me marks because of missing a single email. This is a very real fear for me. I also feel that all the fun of university has been snatched away. This is a reality, though that keeps us safe and so I am somewhat grateful for it. Online learning will be an interesting opportunity to observe whether or not I thrive in online schooling compared to physical schooling. At the end of the day I’m just grateful for online learning to rescue me from potential boredom and lethargy. At least it helps me to differentiate between which days are which.

I have received online schedules for three of my subjects so far which being out of five subjects, makes me wonder when the rest of my subjects are going to let me know WTF is happening. I’m sure though, that those organising the subjects are under a lot of pressure right now and so I appreciate what they are able to let out. I just want an end to this grey area.

There are some perks to online schooling, however. I can listen to music while doing my coursework, I don’t have to walk to uni everyday and I can do things at almost my own pace. That is a plus. It just feels so strange that I won’t be able to go back to physical uni until around September (at least, that’s what people are estimating). I feel as though I’m losing half a year of my university experience and that just does not compute in my mind. Let’s just hope that online schooling works out for me.

Stay groovy.

-Birdie

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Taking Pictures of Myself

People who complain about selfies are either old or lack confidence. Prove me wrong. Just try it.

I realise that this may be a controversial statement but I speak from experience. I used to be one of those people who made fun of others for taking photos of themselves, calling them vapid or self-centered. Now that I am more confident in myself and less of a twat I can see the good in taking selfies and the purpose behind them. Making fun of other for doing something that they enjoy just ain’t it chief.

I mostly take selfies for the purpose of preserving a bomb-ass makeup look through time. I also like taking pictures with my friends because of course I’d want those memories. Selfies can also be used to raise your self-confidence by looking fly as hell in a photo. Don’t get me wrong, selfies can still be problematic but those problems are always the focus of conversation rather than the good that taking photos of yourself brings. I also feel like attacking something simply because it’s mainstream is problematic in and of itself. I actually like it when my friends are feeling themselves and posting pictures to prove it because it gives me an opportunity to admire them even more than I already do and give them an extra confidence boost by commenting positively below their pictures. Flame emoji, flame emoji, flame emoji. I don’t have a problem with people who don’t take selfies, rather I have a problem with people who berate those that do.

I just feel as though some people can be really negative about certain mainstream topics and being one of them, as I know from personal experience, isn’t a good feeling. Try to lift people up rather than drag people down, it’ll do wonders for your mental health, I promise. It’s time that we accept people for their hobbies regardless of how unique they are.

Be nice.

-Birdie