Lockdown With Me: Jane Austen

I’ve started reading Emma (again) and I am just loving it (because I’m obsessed). I am, however, facing a difficulty. It is super hard to get through. I’ve done it before but my struggle is doing it again and the worst part is that I struggled through it the first time but I just didn’t LEARN. What is it about Jane Austen that is so brilliant but so difficult to get through at a decent pace?

I wanted to finish reading Emma as well as Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray before lockdown ceases but at this rate I’ll be impressed if I can even get halfway through Emma by then. I just have to remind myself that as long as I finish it eventually it is enough. This self-care thing is hard!

Besides my Jane Austen adventures, I’ve been updating my bullet journal and studying. It’s not very exciting but you’ve got to admit, that there is some wholesome activity. Mental health wise, today has been a pretty good day. I’ve just been as productive as possible and I feel as if my mind is actually beginning to comprehend the idea that I can actually be proud of myself. Since the start date for uni has been pushed back, I’ve had to update by bujo (bullet journal) several times just to keep updated with everything that’s been going on and all the dates that have been rearranged. It’s been a pretty intense process. Studying for uni has been a breeze because I literally have all the time in the world to get it done. Overall, I’m in a pretty stress-free environment at the moment and that is such an improvement from where I was this time last year.

Here’s to hoping that I can keep this up (and finish reading Emma)!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Lethargy

For the past few days, I have been feeling lethargic. To be more specific I have been feeling overly tired and unenthusiastic. It’s not that I’m bored, I have plenty to do and I get my 8 hours of sleep but for some reason I have just been feeling particularly sluggish. I am now realising that this blog is just a downward spiral of me falling into a depression abyss. We good though. We ‘gon deal with it like we always have. No biggie (yes, biggie). It be like that sometimes.

I just haven’t taken joy in my work like I did at the beginning of lockdown and I feel as if a lot of people will be with me on this. The seemingly endless slew of days that are exactly the same has been getting to me just as it has been getting to the rest of the world’s population. The thing to think about though is that you are not ‘stuck’ at home, you are safe at home. I think it’s all about changing one’s perspective on the matter and to cite things that you are grateful for regularly. I am happy that I have something to keep me busy for the rest of lockdown, a lot of people are bored out of their minds and I’m in the privileged position of not being able to relate to them. You see? It’s all about looking on the bright side. All I can hope is that looking on the bright side of things is able to get me through the rest of lockdown and I recommend that others who are feeling the same way as I am do the same.

Regardless of my lethargy, lockdown has been doing wonders for my academic state. Every cloud has a silver lining and it’s important to remember that.

Stay safe, y’all!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Mental Health

Now I don’t enjoy a mental health spiel. In fact, oftentimes I find them vacuous and meaningless. It’s almost as if people see that the topic of mental health has a significant audience and they take advantage of it. Imagine.

Now I at least have a reason for going on about mental health. It affects my daily life in the form of (DIAGNOSED) depression and anxiety and this has become even more pronounced being stuck at home with my family for an extended period of time. I have been feeling super overwhelmed lately and almost sluggish. This is not good as this seems to be the beginning of what I like to call a “Bleh Era”. A “Bleh Era” is essentially a period of time when you’re just feeling down and unproductive for no particular reason. I swear to god if anyone makes a period joke I’m going to take their dick and put it through a mincer. Capiche?

There are, however, things that are going on that do improve my mental health in small ways. My sister randomly brings me tea for example. I swear I just finished a cup of tea when she went and brought me another one. Ain’t that the sweetest thing? So basically there are pros and cons to this but my advice is to focus on the things that one likes rather than on the things that are toxic for your mental health. Today is just a day of buzzwords isn’t it? I can dig it. It’s not that focusing on the good rather than the bad will magically take away your problems but every little bit helps is what I believe.

Take care, homies.

– Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Bullet Journalling

I have fallen victim to the plague that is lockdown bullet journalling.

It’s not as if I’m new to the bujo trend, I have attempted to start two bullet journals before starting this one, I know the ups and downs of it. I think being on Studying Amino as well as being a studytuber has really resulted in a sort of pressure to bullet journal. There has always been this itch in the back of my mind to complete or at least maintain a bullet journal. Well, here’s attempt number 3 at that.

So far I’m really enjoying it. There’s just something about incorporating art into organisation that’s just really satisfying. I’m a little bit obsessed with it. I am, however, keeping it simple. Bullet journals have a well deserved reputation for being high-maintenance and I’m just not about that life. I’m not incorporating too many factors into my journal but rather keeping it minimal and easy to use.

I am really hoping that I have the level of commitment needed to maintain this journal, it just looks so good and it’d be a shame to discontinue it. Here’s to hoping that 2020 is my year for bullet journalling.

Wish me luck!

– Birdie

Lockdown With Me: Vlogging

Now, like seemingly every Gen-Zer out there, I vlog (Natalone on Youtube, the self-plug is real). I, however, vlog my studies and uni life so it has been a very interesting challenge to vlog during lockdown. It’s hard to vlog uni when you’re officially a student of Blackboard University.

Considering that my family isn’t the vlog type, I have been limited to filming countless Study with Mes. Now I personally love a good Study with Me but my audience might not. On one hand I want to keep people entertained but on the other hand, FUCK IT, I post what I want to post. This has been a very riveting internal dialogue for me these past few days. I have also noticed an interesting factor in my vlogs recently. I am so much quieter and timid when vlogging at home rather than at my commune. I think this definitely reflects the two different personas that I adopt at each place. It’s just so sad to me, though, watching my old vlogs and seeing how outgoing I was. I feel like I need to tone down my personality at home and honestly, that’s just not healthy. This is another struggle of living at home during lockdown.

I am fully aware that this is a first-world problem, however, that does not minimise the sheer intrigue of it. It is just so fascinating that one can become a completely different person when staying in a different environment than one is used to. I do feel better though, blogging because it allows me to express myself the way I want to, even if I can’t do it in person.

This has been the saga of the ambivert showing her inner introversion.

– Birdie

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Lockdown with Me: Easter

Disclaimer: I feel the need to preface this with the fact that I do not consider myself a Christian, however, I do understand that Easter as a holiday is extremely meaningful to the majority of the population.

I enjoy Easter for three reasons: Easter egg hunts, chocolate and bunnies. Yes, I realise that it isn’t very spiritual of me, however, the holiday has no spiritual meaning to me. I am totally respectful of those to whom it does hold spiritual value for, like you go Glen Coco but it really just isn’t up my alley.

I spent today doing crafts with my family and hiding/finding Easter eggs as well as working. What work you may ask? Macbeth. There’s something so blissfully ironic about reading of death on a holiday encompassing resurrection. I am, however, extremely uninspired. On one hand I realise that it is a holiday and I should catch a break, however, isn’t lockdown essentially one big public “holiday”? I mean I’m working on that big public “holiday”, but you get the picture. I guess, I’m just worried that it means that if I am uninspired and catch a break today, that break will continue over the course of the next few days and honestly, I can’t afford that. I do feel a lot more productive in my free time when I’m blogging here or on Studying Amino (yes, I realise that I’m a huge nerd thanks) or even just journalling. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you don’t feel productive due to a disinterest in work, writing and/or drawing can help preserve that sense of productivity for creatives such as myself. It seems to be working for me.

For those who celebrate it: Happy Easter!

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Lockdown With Me: Failure

Today, I had the most frustrating experience.

So I did not pack enough for lockdown. My dear mother realised this and suggested that we go back to my commune in order to fetch things like warmer clothes and my ID book. When I got to my room, however, the lock on my door didn’t work. As in the door would unlock but not open. I could have screamed. Let me give you some context.

This situation has happened to me six times in the past year alone, the same door with the same issue. It has always been “fixed” but never properly. Now considering the stressful mission it is to drive anywhere during lockdown, I had hoped that the trip would not be futile. Once I get home after this futile excursion, I receive a message saying that they are able to fix it if I show up to the front office. But, at this stage, I am AT HOME.

On the bright side of all this I am planning to go and get it fixed tomorrow and I am appreciative of the quick response I got when I let my issue be known. I feel like such a Karen complaining to the manager but I was so frustrated. This is not my day and it’s only 10:30. Honestly though if this has taught me anything it’s that people can be really supportive on social media, I got a few positive reactions that aligned with the message I was attempting to convey. Good out of the bad, amirite?

Today is another day of working from home and colouring in one of those adult colouring pages. Maybe I AM a Karen…? Either way, I am hoping to pick this day up from the cesspit from whence it came and make it a productive one.

Have a good one.

– Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Feelings

Hi, it’s been a while. Did you miss me?

So let’s be real. Coronavirus hit us and it hit us HARD. Basically what this means is that nationwide lockdown has been enforced and now THAT lockdown has just been extended. As someone who has BEEN going through lockdown for a couple of weeks now I just have to say that I am so over it.

I understand the need for a lockdown. We’ve got to flatten the curve and keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. It just helps me to take my frustrations out online so that i can cope better with it. I like many students out there have been forced to return home due to lockdown, except unlike other students I am actually able to stay in my commune, the return home being parent-enforced. I appreciate my parents for caring about my safety and wanting me around during this tumultuous time, however, I am going crazy.

I had cabin fever before I even got to my house. At this point not only am I extremely frustrated but I want to do the spiritual equivalent of jumping out of a tenth story window (not condoning physically jumping out of a tenth story window). On the one hand I’m jealous of China for being able to walk and live freely but on the other hand I know that what they’re doing is dangerous and rash.

As you can see, I am conflicted. I want to be frustrated and annoyed, however, I am aware that this is what’s best for me. I basically made this post to explain the feelings that I am experiencing during lockdown so far. I am planning on posting updates through a little Lockdown With Me series. If you have any suggestions on what I should post next please comment down below, gods know I need the inspiration. Also feel free to let me know how you are feeling about this whole Coronageddon situation. See you soon.

– Birdie

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