Staying At Home

Even though Phase 4 of lockdown is barely any different from Phase 5, people still feel the need to invite their friends over. I’m seeing this all over my Instagram feed and I just can’t believe how dumb some people are. At this rate we’re gonna be put right back into Phase 5 lockdown. As one of my best friends said, nobody likes this, we aren’t staying at home because it’s fun. We are doing this so people don’t get sick and die. I really don’t know how to deal with people anymore. This is why the aliens don’t want us.

Aside from the idiots of the world, I have found staying at home to be an interesting experience. It feels like I am living in a fishbowl. There’s like a veil separating me from the rest of the world yet I am constantly feeling watched. Privacy isn’t something that I have experienced much of during lockdown, staying with family can do that to a person. I also feel though that whenever I go to the store I am scrutinised and judged based off of what I buy. I literally went to buy medicine today and I felt this way. I honestly doubt that anyone gives a shit about what I’m doing but for some reason I just feel observed.

Staying at home really separates you from the outside world. I look out of the window and it’s crazy to me that there’s a whole world out there. I’m just so consumed by and focused on my own little world indoors that I can’t even comprehend what lies beyond my window. It’s a weird feeling. Reflecting on life indoors is an interesting activity to say the least. Life in lockdown has been crazy, I think we can all agree on that.

Stay safe, y’all!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Rain

Today it rained.

It’s funny how something so seemingly insignificant can make one’s day. I’ve just been feeling super cosy today. It’s the kind of day when you make yourself some green tea, turn on some Lo-Fi hip-hop and just vibe. At least, that’s what I did today.

I also hit 1000 followers on Studying Amino. That community has just treated me so well and so I’m happy about any milestones that I hit within it. All I really post is blog posts about studying and bullet journalling. I guess people like that? Studying Amino helps me to stay motivated so it’s comforting to know that people gain some sense of motivation from my posts as well.

Today has just been a good day. Going to the store today though has been an interesting experience, mainly because whenever I wear a mask to the store my glasses fog up something terrible. Sight is a luxury few can afford. I’m planning on baking later today just to add to the cosiness of it all. I’m really in the mood to be warm and cosy. It’s just one of those days that everything in the world seems to fall in place. Not to worry though, I have been productive academically as well. I studied for a while this morning mainly so that I keep in the rhythm of studying for when uni starts back up again (albeit online). The rain just put me in the right mood to conquer today and as silly as it sounds the rain is basically my greatest motivator. Today has also been different from other days in that sense which really helps me to better differentiate this day from other days which is, as we all know, an extremely difficult task to undertake during lockdown. Here’s to more days like this one!

Stay cosy!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Looking Out the Window

It sounds super cheesy but during lockdown, I love to just gaze out of my second story window. The ‘second story’ bit is relevant as the higher I am, the more I can see. Doing so has led to several observations about the outside world.

When I look out of my window I see a plethora of large trees and some extremely green grass. The trees in particular fascinate me as to them there is no lockdown. They are so unaffected by coronageddon it’s crazy. I always picture myself sitting up in those trees just looking at the world from up above. I warned you that this was gonna be super cheesy. The trees just spark my imagination.

The grass on the other hand upsets me a little bit. This is because it is the PERFECT picnic grass but my friends aren’t around or even allowed to join me on one. It just sparks a sense of longing for hanging out with my friends. On the bright side though, nothing is stopping me from sitting out there and gazing at the clouds which I am actually planning on doing when it gets warmer (I am currently freezing, thank you for asking).

I don’t know what it is about gazing outside the window that just feel so cosy. I love thinking about the world outside my window (that I may or may not have enhanced a little in my mind). I also find that it’s healthy to just get away from our computers for a split second because gods know just how long we spend on them during lockdown. I also find that it is a blissful break from staring at my textbooks all day. It’s like being outside without actually venturing into the cold and wet environment that it is currently. I find that valuable.

Stay cosy!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Homesick

Ever been homesick for a place that isn’t your home?

That’s me and my student room. I’m technically at home now but there’s a part of me that’s longing to go back there. I miss the calm and tranquility of my student commune (two phrases that don’t often go together except in my very specific case). I guess why I miss it so much, besides the lovely idea of being alone is the fact that I spent so long making it a worthy study space. Being at home is like starting from scratch and I am finding it very difficult to concentrate here. There is a lack of freedom at home, not to mention the limited Wi-Fi.

An important thing to remember, however, is that this is the epitome of a first-world problem. I have a place that I can be safe in and that’s something I definitely won’t be taking for granted. There is a reason for everything and being at home means being safe. That doesn’t necessarily stop me from being homesick for a place that isn’t my home but it does add perspective to the who situation. There are upsides to being at home though, never fear! Being at home means that I can bake because at home there’s actually an oven. This is very important. In fact, my lemon meringue is in the works as we speak (or…er…read?). It also means that I don’t need to cook dinner and that I have access to a whole array of craft supplies. This is good, this keeps me entertained at least. There are many upsides to being at home during this time, one particular example being that I can walk instead of drive to the store (I can’t drive so this would be an issue). The only challenge is remembering this. Either way, lockdown can only be for so many months and I will get through this. I just have to be patient and grateful.

Stay safe!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: K-Pop

I can already FEEL the hate.

Now I love K-pop. No, I’m not toxic, I don’t ship people until they get uncomfortable, I don’t promote groups on unrelated posts and I’m not a *~Jungkook 4eva uwu~* type person. I stan my groups and that’s about it. I did, however, recently make a K-pop stan account on Instagram. It mainly centers around girl groups and it basically entails edits I’ve made of previously posted pictures.

This has been a while in the making as I already follow so many K-pop accounts and I wanted a way of supporting my favourite groups without being extremely cringey. I also noticed, however, the stigma around making a K-pop related account. People just assume that it’ll be cringe right off the bat and K-pop stans have such a bad reputation that people think the toxic stans represent the majority. There is a level of shame in creating a K-pop stan account that I refuse to submit to. If one of my best friends can make a Lana Del Rey stan account why can’t I make a Red Velvet stan account? I just refuse to succumb to the negativity aimed at this community. The community has its issues but that doesn’t encompass the entire community.

All-in-all, I’ve enjoyed creating this Instagram account and I enjoy the opportunity to be creative through editing. I’m just happy that my friends are so supportive of this because while I don’t need any acknowledgement or permission, it’s nice to just have that encouragement. Being a part of the K-pop and studying fandom has been an interesting and enlightening experience while also being extremely enjoyable. Out of all the groups to be a part of, I’m glad that I am engaging in such wholesome groups. It’s a breath of fresh air.

Stay you.

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Phases

Lockdown is being phased out. Slowly (SLOWLY) but surely (kinda).

I’ve been thinking about how this will affect me but tbh, it won’t much. I doubt I’ll be allowed by the parental figures to return to my commune any time soon and I know for sure that my friends won’t be returning from their homes for a while. It feels as if lockdown is eternal, I know that just isn’t true but it sure feels like it. It’s so strange to think about the fact that coronavirus has derailed so much of our daily lives. I mean, that should be the least of our concerns surrounding coronavirus but it is interesting nonetheless.

I for one, am afraid of my creative juices running dry. There are only so many things to write about or to draw! Searching my mind for topics or subjects to inspire me has been a challenge lately and although my days have been decent, I have been horrifically uninspired. I am hoping, however, that this can serve as a personal challenge to think more seriously about creativity. Forcing myself to write a little everyday will stand me in good stead for essay writing for university and should improve my personal literacy. Notice how I’ve used such big words in this post? Snazzy.

In other news: I’ve created a K-pop stan account on Instagram. Cringe, I know, but hey at least I’m not toxic! And believe me, I know my toxic stan accounts. This, however, deserves a blog post all it’s own. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. I hope that lockdown has been treating every body well and that you are all keeping yourselves entertained.

Wash your damn hands.

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Baking

Everyone and their mother has been quarantine baking. Be it banana bread or sourdough, the possibilities are endless…as long as it’s bread.

I for one haven’t stooped as low as to bake break yet, however, I did bake a birthday cake for my sister today. Chocolate, caramel and speckled eggs really had a moment today. It has got me wondering though: why has everyone been baking? I have a theory regarding this.

Baking requires that one follow step-by-step instructions to a T. Failure could result in a gooey mess. I believe that the act of baking involves structure and patience: two things that people need in order to be able to cope during lockdown. It is a way to practice a structured way of doing things while also practicing patience within a smaller-scale, controlled environment. Baking is also a way to gain control over something (in this case, the fate of a cake) during this uncontrollable and uncertain pandemic period. Moral of the story: I believe that everyone taking up baking has deeper psychological meanings.

While I completely agree that this sounds pretentious, you can’t deny that it isn’t interesting. I think that uni has started to affect my thinking and boy, is that a dangerous concept. Of course there are other factors involved in this baking phenomenon such as the need to get rid of ageing perishables such as bananas but that doesn’t sound nearly as fun.

All-in-all I like baking, I have since long before lockdown started and I will for years after it. It’s such a calming and wholesome activity and it’s so satisfying when one’s creation turns out great. My next baking project will be a lemon meringue so if anyone has a good recipe for that, please link it below! If not, BBC Good Food always has my back.

Happy baking!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Productivity and Guilt

I made a very similar post to this on Studying Amino but y’know what? It’s important and deserves to be spread on multiple platforms.

Lockdown has been an excellent opportunity to be productive and to re-organise our lives. Since we literally have all the time in the world, why not use it? The problem with this is that if productivity culture was toxic beforehand, that has been even more pronounced by lockdown.

With a surge in productivity comes an increase in productivity-related guilt. Any time not spent working or studying is considered time and opportunities wasted. This puts more importance on work and less on more enjoyable activities and self-care. While lockdown is an amazing opportunity to get work done it is also a good opportunity to take a breather and work on your mental well-being. There should be a balance. Why must we feel guilt over doing things that we enjoy and that refresh us mentally? I believe that one should take this opportunity to be somewhat productive and to catch up academically but I also feel as if mental breaks should not be neglected. This guilt can be detrimental to one’s mental health and cause a workaholic mentality.

Moral of the story: don’t forget to take care of yourself during lockdown. Academic and work life are important but so is your mental state.

No tea, just facts.

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Ukulele Vibes

*plays Riptide repeatedly*

I got back into the ukulele today. I also learnt how to spell ‘ukulele’ today. I’ve been playing the ukulele for roughly 3 years now, but lately I’ve been neglecting the poor instrument. Today, that changed because I picked it up and learnt to play ‘Adored By Him’ by Dodie Clark (yes, I am one of THOSE). I forgot just how calming it is to play. It really put me in a peaceful mood and I am not complaining.

Today has been a good day. The past few days have been pretty good and productive actually. A couple of days ago (as you are able to see from my past posts) I was so scared that I was falling into a depressive slump but for some reason all that has changed. I attribute part of that to reading my uni readings in summaries rather than trudging through the entire thing all over again. It really picked my days up. Let’s be real for a second though, lockdown is treacherous for one’s mental health. These past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. Being inside all of the time, left to one’s thoughts, while confronting can be dangerous. We don’t have access to all the distractions of the world and while this may be healthy for self-reflection, I worry for the mental well-being for those vulnerable to depressive or anxious states. Healthy distractions such as writing or, as I did today, playing music can help with this. If it gets really bad for those of you out there struggling with this, however, I really suggest talking to your therapist online or seeking help from a mental health hotline. No tea, just facts.

Leaving on that serious note, I hope you’re having as decent a day as I am and that you are coping at least a little bit through this insane time. Cheers!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Jane Austen

I’ve started reading Emma (again) and I am just loving it (because I’m obsessed). I am, however, facing a difficulty. It is super hard to get through. I’ve done it before but my struggle is doing it again and the worst part is that I struggled through it the first time but I just didn’t LEARN. What is it about Jane Austen that is so brilliant but so difficult to get through at a decent pace?

I wanted to finish reading Emma as well as Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray before lockdown ceases but at this rate I’ll be impressed if I can even get halfway through Emma by then. I just have to remind myself that as long as I finish it eventually it is enough. This self-care thing is hard!

Besides my Jane Austen adventures, I’ve been updating my bullet journal and studying. It’s not very exciting but you’ve got to admit, that there is some wholesome activity. Mental health wise, today has been a pretty good day. I’ve just been as productive as possible and I feel as if my mind is actually beginning to comprehend the idea that I can actually be proud of myself. Since the start date for uni has been pushed back, I’ve had to update by bujo (bullet journal) several times just to keep updated with everything that’s been going on and all the dates that have been rearranged. It’s been a pretty intense process. Studying for uni has been a breeze because I literally have all the time in the world to get it done. Overall, I’m in a pretty stress-free environment at the moment and that is such an improvement from where I was this time last year.

Here’s to hoping that I can keep this up (and finish reading Emma)!

-Birdie

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