Lockdown With Me: K-Pop

I can already FEEL the hate.

Now I love K-pop. No, I’m not toxic, I don’t ship people until they get uncomfortable, I don’t promote groups on unrelated posts and I’m not a *~Jungkook 4eva uwu~* type person. I stan my groups and that’s about it. I did, however, recently make a K-pop stan account on Instagram. It mainly centers around girl groups and it basically entails edits I’ve made of previously posted pictures.

This has been a while in the making as I already follow so many K-pop accounts and I wanted a way of supporting my favourite groups without being extremely cringey. I also noticed, however, the stigma around making a K-pop related account. People just assume that it’ll be cringe right off the bat and K-pop stans have such a bad reputation that people think the toxic stans represent the majority. There is a level of shame in creating a K-pop stan account that I refuse to submit to. If one of my best friends can make a Lana Del Rey stan account why can’t I make a Red Velvet stan account? I just refuse to succumb to the negativity aimed at this community. The community has its issues but that doesn’t encompass the entire community.

All-in-all, I’ve enjoyed creating this Instagram account and I enjoy the opportunity to be creative through editing. I’m just happy that my friends are so supportive of this because while I don’t need any acknowledgement or permission, it’s nice to just have that encouragement. Being a part of the K-pop and studying fandom has been an interesting and enlightening experience while also being extremely enjoyable. Out of all the groups to be a part of, I’m glad that I am engaging in such wholesome groups. It’s a breath of fresh air.

Stay you.

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Phases

Lockdown is being phased out. Slowly (SLOWLY) but surely (kinda).

I’ve been thinking about how this will affect me but tbh, it won’t much. I doubt I’ll be allowed by the parental figures to return to my commune any time soon and I know for sure that my friends won’t be returning from their homes for a while. It feels as if lockdown is eternal, I know that just isn’t true but it sure feels like it. It’s so strange to think about the fact that coronavirus has derailed so much of our daily lives. I mean, that should be the least of our concerns surrounding coronavirus but it is interesting nonetheless.

I for one, am afraid of my creative juices running dry. There are only so many things to write about or to draw! Searching my mind for topics or subjects to inspire me has been a challenge lately and although my days have been decent, I have been horrifically uninspired. I am hoping, however, that this can serve as a personal challenge to think more seriously about creativity. Forcing myself to write a little everyday will stand me in good stead for essay writing for university and should improve my personal literacy. Notice how I’ve used such big words in this post? Snazzy.

In other news: I’ve created a K-pop stan account on Instagram. Cringe, I know, but hey at least I’m not toxic! And believe me, I know my toxic stan accounts. This, however, deserves a blog post all it’s own. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. I hope that lockdown has been treating every body well and that you are all keeping yourselves entertained.

Wash your damn hands.

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Baking

Everyone and their mother has been quarantine baking. Be it banana bread or sourdough, the possibilities are endless…as long as it’s bread.

I for one haven’t stooped as low as to bake break yet, however, I did bake a birthday cake for my sister today. Chocolate, caramel and speckled eggs really had a moment today. It has got me wondering though: why has everyone been baking? I have a theory regarding this.

Baking requires that one follow step-by-step instructions to a T. Failure could result in a gooey mess. I believe that the act of baking involves structure and patience: two things that people need in order to be able to cope during lockdown. It is a way to practice a structured way of doing things while also practicing patience within a smaller-scale, controlled environment. Baking is also a way to gain control over something (in this case, the fate of a cake) during this uncontrollable and uncertain pandemic period. Moral of the story: I believe that everyone taking up baking has deeper psychological meanings.

While I completely agree that this sounds pretentious, you can’t deny that it isn’t interesting. I think that uni has started to affect my thinking and boy, is that a dangerous concept. Of course there are other factors involved in this baking phenomenon such as the need to get rid of ageing perishables such as bananas but that doesn’t sound nearly as fun.

All-in-all I like baking, I have since long before lockdown started and I will for years after it. It’s such a calming and wholesome activity and it’s so satisfying when one’s creation turns out great. My next baking project will be a lemon meringue so if anyone has a good recipe for that, please link it below! If not, BBC Good Food always has my back.

Happy baking!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Productivity and Guilt

I made a very similar post to this on Studying Amino but y’know what? It’s important and deserves to be spread on multiple platforms.

Lockdown has been an excellent opportunity to be productive and to re-organise our lives. Since we literally have all the time in the world, why not use it? The problem with this is that if productivity culture was toxic beforehand, that has been even more pronounced by lockdown.

With a surge in productivity comes an increase in productivity-related guilt. Any time not spent working or studying is considered time and opportunities wasted. This puts more importance on work and less on more enjoyable activities and self-care. While lockdown is an amazing opportunity to get work done it is also a good opportunity to take a breather and work on your mental well-being. There should be a balance. Why must we feel guilt over doing things that we enjoy and that refresh us mentally? I believe that one should take this opportunity to be somewhat productive and to catch up academically but I also feel as if mental breaks should not be neglected. This guilt can be detrimental to one’s mental health and cause a workaholic mentality.

Moral of the story: don’t forget to take care of yourself during lockdown. Academic and work life are important but so is your mental state.

No tea, just facts.

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Ukulele Vibes

*plays Riptide repeatedly*

I got back into the ukulele today. I also learnt how to spell ‘ukulele’ today. I’ve been playing the ukulele for roughly 3 years now, but lately I’ve been neglecting the poor instrument. Today, that changed because I picked it up and learnt to play ‘Adored By Him’ by Dodie Clark (yes, I am one of THOSE). I forgot just how calming it is to play. It really put me in a peaceful mood and I am not complaining.

Today has been a good day. The past few days have been pretty good and productive actually. A couple of days ago (as you are able to see from my past posts) I was so scared that I was falling into a depressive slump but for some reason all that has changed. I attribute part of that to reading my uni readings in summaries rather than trudging through the entire thing all over again. It really picked my days up. Let’s be real for a second though, lockdown is treacherous for one’s mental health. These past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. Being inside all of the time, left to one’s thoughts, while confronting can be dangerous. We don’t have access to all the distractions of the world and while this may be healthy for self-reflection, I worry for the mental well-being for those vulnerable to depressive or anxious states. Healthy distractions such as writing or, as I did today, playing music can help with this. If it gets really bad for those of you out there struggling with this, however, I really suggest talking to your therapist online or seeking help from a mental health hotline. No tea, just facts.

Leaving on that serious note, I hope you’re having as decent a day as I am and that you are coping at least a little bit through this insane time. Cheers!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Jane Austen

I’ve started reading Emma (again) and I am just loving it (because I’m obsessed). I am, however, facing a difficulty. It is super hard to get through. I’ve done it before but my struggle is doing it again and the worst part is that I struggled through it the first time but I just didn’t LEARN. What is it about Jane Austen that is so brilliant but so difficult to get through at a decent pace?

I wanted to finish reading Emma as well as Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray before lockdown ceases but at this rate I’ll be impressed if I can even get halfway through Emma by then. I just have to remind myself that as long as I finish it eventually it is enough. This self-care thing is hard!

Besides my Jane Austen adventures, I’ve been updating my bullet journal and studying. It’s not very exciting but you’ve got to admit, that there is some wholesome activity. Mental health wise, today has been a pretty good day. I’ve just been as productive as possible and I feel as if my mind is actually beginning to comprehend the idea that I can actually be proud of myself. Since the start date for uni has been pushed back, I’ve had to update by bujo (bullet journal) several times just to keep updated with everything that’s been going on and all the dates that have been rearranged. It’s been a pretty intense process. Studying for uni has been a breeze because I literally have all the time in the world to get it done. Overall, I’m in a pretty stress-free environment at the moment and that is such an improvement from where I was this time last year.

Here’s to hoping that I can keep this up (and finish reading Emma)!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Lethargy

For the past few days, I have been feeling lethargic. To be more specific I have been feeling overly tired and unenthusiastic. It’s not that I’m bored, I have plenty to do and I get my 8 hours of sleep but for some reason I have just been feeling particularly sluggish. I am now realising that this blog is just a downward spiral of me falling into a depression abyss. We good though. We ‘gon deal with it like we always have. No biggie (yes, biggie). It be like that sometimes.

I just haven’t taken joy in my work like I did at the beginning of lockdown and I feel as if a lot of people will be with me on this. The seemingly endless slew of days that are exactly the same has been getting to me just as it has been getting to the rest of the world’s population. The thing to think about though is that you are not ‘stuck’ at home, you are safe at home. I think it’s all about changing one’s perspective on the matter and to cite things that you are grateful for regularly. I am happy that I have something to keep me busy for the rest of lockdown, a lot of people are bored out of their minds and I’m in the privileged position of not being able to relate to them. You see? It’s all about looking on the bright side. All I can hope is that looking on the bright side of things is able to get me through the rest of lockdown and I recommend that others who are feeling the same way as I am do the same.

Regardless of my lethargy, lockdown has been doing wonders for my academic state. Every cloud has a silver lining and it’s important to remember that.

Stay safe, y’all!

-Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Mental Health

Now I don’t enjoy a mental health spiel. In fact, oftentimes I find them vacuous and meaningless. It’s almost as if people see that the topic of mental health has a significant audience and they take advantage of it. Imagine.

Now I at least have a reason for going on about mental health. It affects my daily life in the form of (DIAGNOSED) depression and anxiety and this has become even more pronounced being stuck at home with my family for an extended period of time. I have been feeling super overwhelmed lately and almost sluggish. This is not good as this seems to be the beginning of what I like to call a “Bleh Era”. A “Bleh Era” is essentially a period of time when you’re just feeling down and unproductive for no particular reason. I swear to god if anyone makes a period joke I’m going to take their dick and put it through a mincer. Capiche?

There are, however, things that are going on that do improve my mental health in small ways. My sister randomly brings me tea for example. I swear I just finished a cup of tea when she went and brought me another one. Ain’t that the sweetest thing? So basically there are pros and cons to this but my advice is to focus on the things that one likes rather than on the things that are toxic for your mental health. Today is just a day of buzzwords isn’t it? I can dig it. It’s not that focusing on the good rather than the bad will magically take away your problems but every little bit helps is what I believe.

Take care, homies.

– Birdie

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Lockdown With Me: Bullet Journalling

I have fallen victim to the plague that is lockdown bullet journalling.

It’s not as if I’m new to the bujo trend, I have attempted to start two bullet journals before starting this one, I know the ups and downs of it. I think being on Studying Amino as well as being a studytuber has really resulted in a sort of pressure to bullet journal. There has always been this itch in the back of my mind to complete or at least maintain a bullet journal. Well, here’s attempt number 3 at that.

So far I’m really enjoying it. There’s just something about incorporating art into organisation that’s just really satisfying. I’m a little bit obsessed with it. I am, however, keeping it simple. Bullet journals have a well deserved reputation for being high-maintenance and I’m just not about that life. I’m not incorporating too many factors into my journal but rather keeping it minimal and easy to use.

I am really hoping that I have the level of commitment needed to maintain this journal, it just looks so good and it’d be a shame to discontinue it. Here’s to hoping that 2020 is my year for bullet journalling.

Wish me luck!

– Birdie

Lockdown With Me: Vlogging

Now, like seemingly every Gen-Zer out there, I vlog (Natalone on Youtube, the self-plug is real). I, however, vlog my studies and uni life so it has been a very interesting challenge to vlog during lockdown. It’s hard to vlog uni when you’re officially a student of Blackboard University.

Considering that my family isn’t the vlog type, I have been limited to filming countless Study with Mes. Now I personally love a good Study with Me but my audience might not. On one hand I want to keep people entertained but on the other hand, FUCK IT, I post what I want to post. This has been a very riveting internal dialogue for me these past few days. I have also noticed an interesting factor in my vlogs recently. I am so much quieter and timid when vlogging at home rather than at my commune. I think this definitely reflects the two different personas that I adopt at each place. It’s just so sad to me, though, watching my old vlogs and seeing how outgoing I was. I feel like I need to tone down my personality at home and honestly, that’s just not healthy. This is another struggle of living at home during lockdown.

I am fully aware that this is a first-world problem, however, that does not minimise the sheer intrigue of it. It is just so fascinating that one can become a completely different person when staying in a different environment than one is used to. I do feel better though, blogging because it allows me to express myself the way I want to, even if I can’t do it in person.

This has been the saga of the ambivert showing her inner introversion.

– Birdie

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